Just one more drink

Everything about alcohol is designed to cause us to over indulge. I never could understand how people had just one drink. That seemed ridiculous to me. One drink was a good start. Two drinks was better. By the time I got to my third drink, I really didn’t care about anyone’s opinions. That is part of the wonderful cognitive impairment, I could stop thinking, stop feeling, and just be with my alcohol friend.

Of course I could see the upset look on my wife’s face but I couldn’t feel the disapproval anymore and I didn’t care. And with every drink, I separated myself from her. I choose alcohol over my wife and drove a wedge between us. The gap widened and I blamed her for my overdrinking. 

Didn’t she understand the pressures I was under?

Didn’t she see how much I needed this release?

Why couldn’t she let me be happy?

Looking back, these are ridiculous questions I used to justify my overdrinking. I wish I had done something sooner. Divorce is immeasurably awful on so many levels. Just like trying to explain all the ways a child changes your life to someone who has no children, there is no way to explain divorce to someone who has not been through it. The depth and breadth of suck that divorce inflicts on every aspect of your life is simply inconceivable.

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